Emptiness

Have you ever felt such emptiness yet you don't know why?

All you know is that you wanted to cry, you wanted to be alone, feeling you're a failure, and thinking you were deserted by everybody.
That no one can help you because even you dont know what it is.

It's so weird that people tend to experience such event in their lives one way or another. Sometimes it can be very disturbing because it's like it will push you through your sanity limits.

It seems your out of your mind yet you still have control.

I remember when I was in that predicament. I cried and I cried myself out up to the point of exhaustion thinking why am I so sad. Searching for something that is lacking in me yet I did not know what it was. Its like I'm looking into a very dark room full of unknown things but I have to find that one special thing.

I thought I was crazy... crazy because I'm crying for no reason, feeling so down yet I know there's no cause. Eventhough I am with my friends, doing things that might make me happy still I can not force myself to laugh and feel happy. I am smiling not because I am happy but because I have to smile and hide my loneliness for my friends to not see it.

It came into a point that I can no longer hide my sadness and I have to speak it out. Thank God, my good friend was there to listen. I asked her indirectly if she too sometimes feel such emptiness in her life the way I felt it. And she said yes, that all people experienced it one point in their lives, and it is normal and need not to worry.
I felt relief.....

It took me 2 or more days just to recomposed myself and to think back that episode in my life.
To understand why It had to happen. Till now I can not answer it.. the only thing I am 100% sure is that I do not want to experience it again...but sometimes whether I like it or not, I am still experiencing it in lesser degree.