When I saw my record after my operation in the post-operative diagnosis column it says Pelvic Endometriosis stage IV; Ovarian cyst, bilateral; Hydrosalpinges; Pelvic Adhesive Disease, I realized that I had multiple problems I did not even know existed in me for a long time.
I had my lap last Oct. 15 this year administered by Dra. Zoraida Umipig, who is a very good gynecologic endoscopic surgeon. I did not even feel the pain those women in the net horribly described when you administered yourself in laparoscopy procedure. Yes, I felt a little pain but not the pain that will make me take a pain reliever. The few things that I remembered before my operation were the nurse gave me a shot that supposed to make me relaxed, then they transported me to the OR and a doctor interviewed me several things, and lastly I remembered they put a mask on my face then I blackout.... thats it.
Then a nurse shook me to wake up and the first thing I said after the operation was "Tapos na ba?". I remembered well that the nurse answered "Opo" then I slept again for the entire day.
What is this pelvic endometriosis and what does stage IV means. I did some research and I found vital information. This link might help http://www.aafp.org/afp/991015ap/1753.html those women who are experiencing this problem.
For the hydrosalpinges... are dilated and occluded fallopian tubes generally the result of a prior pelvic infection. It's a disease that is like the other end of the fallopian tube is blocked and it caused the tube to be filled with toxic fluid.
Thank God, these problems, these diseases are removed already in my system with the help of my obgyne Dr. Umipig and the good doctors of UDMC hospital.
I want to thank the following Doctors who took good care of me before, during and after my operation. They are Dr. Conrado Carnero, anesthesiologist; Dr. Martinez, obgyne; Dr. Young Airoso, obgyne; Dr. Querimit, obgyne; Dr. Millanes, obgyne; the nurses assigned at the fourth floor under obstetrics and gynecology department.
Lastly I want to thank the LORD ALMIGHTY for His love, healing, and guidance.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
God Asked Me "Why Should I Let You Live?"
A very easy question when you first look and read it, isn't it?.
If you were asked of this particular question in no particular reason, I know that you stated 100 reasons or possible even more answers.
We all do.
In a normal condition, we tend to ignore the intensity or degree of this question because we feel that God will never ask us this phrase.
In our beliefs... we perceived HIM as love, mercy, & life. That He will never take away life because HE is life and to that I agree 100%.
But have we ever thought of those people who are sick & dying. What is the essence of that question on them? How easy or difficult for them to answer that same question? Can they give the same number of answers as like when they were healthy?
We can only think but we will never know unless we are in that position.
I'll tell you mine. I have ovarian infection. In my TVS (ultrasound), it shows that I have abcess, cyst in my ovary (both ovaries). The doctors who attended me suggested that it will be better if I will be confined in the hospital so that they can do the necessary action for my sickness. But during that time I did not grasp the extent of my condition because during conversation with the doctors they said that it is not something to be worried about, in fact it's curable and possible to do medication at home. Therefore I took the latter option. They gave me several types of antibiotics that I must take for two weeks.
I live life as before. Not worrying a bit... but the medication was starting to cause me minor discomfort
Then I went to another doctor (our old family doctor) to have a second opinion. She read my TVS result and she too has the same opinion. I listened to every words she said but it never occured to me that I will be scared to death on her next remarks. She said 70% it will likely to be cured by medication in-take and 30% by operation. She then said that the cyst is not like cancerous (thank God) but we have to be sure because it's possible to lead to that. And she also said that I need to and I must be pregnant already because it is possible that both of my ovaries will be removed (operation) therefore I can no longer be able to bear a child.
I was so scared & I cried hysterically inside my room. Those words keep on circling in my mind. It made me very weak, scared, lonely... all negative adjectives that you can think of. It came into a point that I thought I would die young because in my thirty years of living, it was my first time to be sick like that and to feel such pain.
Then I was hospitalized my condition did not change much therefore my doctors changed my medication. They gave me high dosage of several antibiotics direct into my viens. I stayed in the hospital for 5 days. There I learned to pray to God sincerely...not just pray but pray my heart out.
I realized that people tend to take God for granted because they are not experiencing pain, or they are not having any major problems... like myself.
I also realized that no matter how many people support & love me, how they assured me that it's nothing, that I will be cured, they can not ease my pain, they can not ease my worries. The only person that can ease me is GOD.
I started to attend healing mass & going to healing prayers. The healer asked me a question that I found very very difficult to answer. She said if God ask you "Why should I let you live?", what would be your answers? (plural)
She said that if I can answer it honestly then my answer will be enough for God to let me live.
But to tell you the truth up to now I can not think of an answer that is not selfish or true.
I can say for my family, but is it honest?... I do not know... and for the rest God only knows.
If you were asked of this particular question in no particular reason, I know that you stated 100 reasons or possible even more answers.
We all do.
In a normal condition, we tend to ignore the intensity or degree of this question because we feel that God will never ask us this phrase.
In our beliefs... we perceived HIM as love, mercy, & life. That He will never take away life because HE is life and to that I agree 100%.
But have we ever thought of those people who are sick & dying. What is the essence of that question on them? How easy or difficult for them to answer that same question? Can they give the same number of answers as like when they were healthy?
We can only think but we will never know unless we are in that position.
I'll tell you mine. I have ovarian infection. In my TVS (ultrasound), it shows that I have abcess, cyst in my ovary (both ovaries). The doctors who attended me suggested that it will be better if I will be confined in the hospital so that they can do the necessary action for my sickness. But during that time I did not grasp the extent of my condition because during conversation with the doctors they said that it is not something to be worried about, in fact it's curable and possible to do medication at home. Therefore I took the latter option. They gave me several types of antibiotics that I must take for two weeks.
I live life as before. Not worrying a bit... but the medication was starting to cause me minor discomfort
Then I went to another doctor (our old family doctor) to have a second opinion. She read my TVS result and she too has the same opinion. I listened to every words she said but it never occured to me that I will be scared to death on her next remarks. She said 70% it will likely to be cured by medication in-take and 30% by operation. She then said that the cyst is not like cancerous (thank God) but we have to be sure because it's possible to lead to that. And she also said that I need to and I must be pregnant already because it is possible that both of my ovaries will be removed (operation) therefore I can no longer be able to bear a child.
I was so scared & I cried hysterically inside my room. Those words keep on circling in my mind. It made me very weak, scared, lonely... all negative adjectives that you can think of. It came into a point that I thought I would die young because in my thirty years of living, it was my first time to be sick like that and to feel such pain.
Then I was hospitalized my condition did not change much therefore my doctors changed my medication. They gave me high dosage of several antibiotics direct into my viens. I stayed in the hospital for 5 days. There I learned to pray to God sincerely...not just pray but pray my heart out.
I realized that people tend to take God for granted because they are not experiencing pain, or they are not having any major problems... like myself.
I also realized that no matter how many people support & love me, how they assured me that it's nothing, that I will be cured, they can not ease my pain, they can not ease my worries. The only person that can ease me is GOD.
I started to attend healing mass & going to healing prayers. The healer asked me a question that I found very very difficult to answer. She said if God ask you "Why should I let you live?", what would be your answers? (plural)
She said that if I can answer it honestly then my answer will be enough for God to let me live.
But to tell you the truth up to now I can not think of an answer that is not selfish or true.
I can say for my family, but is it honest?... I do not know... and for the rest God only knows.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Emptiness
Have you ever felt such emptiness yet you don't know why?
All you know is that you wanted to cry, you wanted to be alone, feeling you're a failure, and thinking you were deserted by everybody.
That no one can help you because even you dont know what it is.
It's so weird that people tend to experience such event in their lives one way or another. Sometimes it can be very disturbing because it's like it will push you through your sanity limits.
It seems your out of your mind yet you still have control.
I remember when I was in that predicament. I cried and I cried myself out up to the point of exhaustion thinking why am I so sad. Searching for something that is lacking in me yet I did not know what it was. Its like I'm looking into a very dark room full of unknown things but I have to find that one special thing.
I thought I was crazy... crazy because I'm crying for no reason, feeling so down yet I know there's no cause. Eventhough I am with my friends, doing things that might make me happy still I can not force myself to laugh and feel happy. I am smiling not because I am happy but because I have to smile and hide my loneliness for my friends to not see it.
It came into a point that I can no longer hide my sadness and I have to speak it out. Thank God, my good friend was there to listen. I asked her indirectly if she too sometimes feel such emptiness in her life the way I felt it. And she said yes, that all people experienced it one point in their lives, and it is normal and need not to worry.
I felt relief.....
It took me 2 or more days just to recomposed myself and to think back that episode in my life.
To understand why It had to happen. Till now I can not answer it.. the only thing I am 100% sure is that I do not want to experience it again...but sometimes whether I like it or not, I am still experiencing it in lesser degree.
All you know is that you wanted to cry, you wanted to be alone, feeling you're a failure, and thinking you were deserted by everybody.
That no one can help you because even you dont know what it is.
It's so weird that people tend to experience such event in their lives one way or another. Sometimes it can be very disturbing because it's like it will push you through your sanity limits.
It seems your out of your mind yet you still have control.
I remember when I was in that predicament. I cried and I cried myself out up to the point of exhaustion thinking why am I so sad. Searching for something that is lacking in me yet I did not know what it was. Its like I'm looking into a very dark room full of unknown things but I have to find that one special thing.
I thought I was crazy... crazy because I'm crying for no reason, feeling so down yet I know there's no cause. Eventhough I am with my friends, doing things that might make me happy still I can not force myself to laugh and feel happy. I am smiling not because I am happy but because I have to smile and hide my loneliness for my friends to not see it.
It came into a point that I can no longer hide my sadness and I have to speak it out. Thank God, my good friend was there to listen. I asked her indirectly if she too sometimes feel such emptiness in her life the way I felt it. And she said yes, that all people experienced it one point in their lives, and it is normal and need not to worry.
I felt relief.....
It took me 2 or more days just to recomposed myself and to think back that episode in my life.
To understand why It had to happen. Till now I can not answer it.. the only thing I am 100% sure is that I do not want to experience it again...but sometimes whether I like it or not, I am still experiencing it in lesser degree.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Speel Check
Unedited Version! -
Before I start my composition I have a great task to you my dear readers.... Find as many Mispelled Words as you can!
From the moment I started knowing how to hold a pen & write up to becoming an engineer and stablishing (?) my well balanced career, I am still asking myself this one little tiny question "Why am I not Good in Spelling?"
Yes I know...it is very embarassing (?)!
To start with, I will tell you my tragic (?) spelling story, the root cause of my fear.
When I was in grade 3 or 4 my father asked me to spell "pneumonia (?)?". I was shocked because I did not know and honestly up to now I still dont know but I answered it as confidently as I could remember..." N. E. U. M. O. N. I. A" (with a BIG GRIN (?) on my face after spelling the word... it's like I answered it correctly....yeh!!!) .
After I finished spelling the word, my father got so frustrated and he shouted "WRONG" back at me. He spelled it and told me that the word starts with "P" not "N".
He's so mad that he ORDERED me to READ the 12 in x 7 in x 5 in (length, width, thinkness respectively) dictionary and told me to read it from A to Z.
I wanted to cry....
Yah! I read and almost finished the entire pages of that dictionary but what do you think happened to me?
...Well! I'm still not that good with words!
To think of it, how am I suppose to know the correct spelling when in fact the first letter is not mentioned. It's like silent "P", you know.
And may I ask who's that psychotic person who stated that the correct spelling of PNEUMONIA must begin with P.
Spare me the difficulties.....please!
Before, I used to be embarrassed (?) with my deficiency (?) but now I am starting to accept that I have flaws and being dumb with spelling is one them.
During my manufacturing career(?) years, I informed beforehand my attendees (?) in all of my trainings to pardon my mispelled word beacuse I'm not good with it.
Even during interview when being asked of "What are your weaknesses?" question, I will just smile then tell my interviewer about my spelling problem....
Now, I'm still trying to improve my spelling but I always remind myself to not feel inferior because of one such inconsequential matter.
We all have flaws! Right?
Before I start my composition I have a great task to you my dear readers.... Find as many Mispelled Words as you can!
From the moment I started knowing how to hold a pen & write up to becoming an engineer and stablishing (?) my well balanced career, I am still asking myself this one little tiny question "Why am I not Good in Spelling?"
Yes I know...it is very embarassing (?)!
To start with, I will tell you my tragic (?) spelling story, the root cause of my fear.
When I was in grade 3 or 4 my father asked me to spell "pneumonia (?)?". I was shocked because I did not know and honestly up to now I still dont know but I answered it as confidently as I could remember..." N. E. U. M. O. N. I. A" (with a BIG GRIN (?) on my face after spelling the word... it's like I answered it correctly....yeh!!!) .
After I finished spelling the word, my father got so frustrated and he shouted "WRONG" back at me. He spelled it and told me that the word starts with "P" not "N".
He's so mad that he ORDERED me to READ the 12 in x 7 in x 5 in (length, width, thinkness respectively) dictionary and told me to read it from A to Z.
I wanted to cry....
Yah! I read and almost finished the entire pages of that dictionary but what do you think happened to me?
...Well! I'm still not that good with words!
To think of it, how am I suppose to know the correct spelling when in fact the first letter is not mentioned. It's like silent "P", you know.
And may I ask who's that psychotic person who stated that the correct spelling of PNEUMONIA must begin with P.
Spare me the difficulties.....please!
Before, I used to be embarrassed (?) with my deficiency (?) but now I am starting to accept that I have flaws and being dumb with spelling is one them.
During my manufacturing career(?) years, I informed beforehand my attendees (?) in all of my trainings to pardon my mispelled word beacuse I'm not good with it.
Even during interview when being asked of "What are your weaknesses?" question, I will just smile then tell my interviewer about my spelling problem....
Now, I'm still trying to improve my spelling but I always remind myself to not feel inferior because of one such inconsequential matter.
We all have flaws! Right?
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Never A Bride
I think this is what you called "SOUR GRAPING".....but....... what the HECK! this is my Blog and I can say whatever I want to say.
How will I start... have you watched 27 Dresses? I liked that movie (I like it A LOT!), why?, because I am that girl, lady, woman.. what ever you wanna call it.
I relate to her, it is like I'm watching myself and my "Disoriented" love story
The only funny thing is, it's my story except for the last part where the girl marries the boy! hmmmp...
Helloooooooooooooo! have you read my Blog title.
If there is what you so called the five (5) stages of grief that those people who've lost a love one must go through, I think there is also the Five (5) Stages of 'Never A Bride' Hysteria.
What are they!
1st stage: Denial "this isn't happening to me!" - for ***** long years I've been with my *******g boyfriend, he will propose to me. You'll see!..... whatever, whenever (even if it takes FOREVER!!!)
2nd stage: Anger "why is this happening to me?" - I'm beautiful, sexy..hmmp, college gradute, funny, etc...etc but why? for (#th) years? he's not proposing!!!! He does not even say a word!
3rd stage: Bargaining "I promise I'll be a better person if..." - I'll be a good wife, a good mother, a horny mistress, your best friend, what ever you want me to be even WONDERWOMAN. But please ask me "Will you marry me?"
4th stage: Depression "I don't care anymore" - okay, if you'll not going to ask me to marry you then so be it. There are lots of handsome guys out there much better than you (thats' the spirit, Go GIRL!)
5th stage: Acceptance "I'm ready for whatever comes" - this is the stage where I would say "COME WHAT MAY"
Now, you know!
Maybe... I passed through up to the 4th stage but sometimes I go back to the 1st stage, like now, I'm looking for the design of my wedding gown, searching the net for affordable wedding venues, asking advices from my friends about the wedding, the wedding ring, entourage..etc (it is very nice to dream..i tell you)
But hey! I remember my sweet loving boyfriend is not yet proposing...
What will I do? I will again approach him then ask him again about our supposed wedding date but he will just look me in the eye and tell me "we'll get married soon that's why we're saving, right?" then I will ask him again, WHEN? (this is the part where silence reign........................i think we need 10 more years. what do you think?)... I know you know!
And I also knew that there are Millionzzzzzzzzzzzzzz of women out there expereincing these stages like my self but we keep on hiding, covering, wrapping our loneliness for the fact that we (female) don't want our boyfriends to be exasperated, which tends to push them away.
Okay! I made this not to be sad but just to be busy for a while and to give myself a little time to be not crazy to surf again the net for ALL ABOUT WEDDINGS!
How will I start... have you watched 27 Dresses? I liked that movie (I like it A LOT!), why?, because I am that girl, lady, woman.. what ever you wanna call it.
I relate to her, it is like I'm watching myself and my "Disoriented" love story
The only funny thing is, it's my story except for the last part where the girl marries the boy! hmmmp...
Helloooooooooooooo! have you read my Blog title.
If there is what you so called the five (5) stages of grief that those people who've lost a love one must go through, I think there is also the Five (5) Stages of 'Never A Bride' Hysteria.
What are they!
1st stage: Denial "this isn't happening to me!" - for ***** long years I've been with my *******g boyfriend, he will propose to me. You'll see!..... whatever, whenever (even if it takes FOREVER!!!)
2nd stage: Anger "why is this happening to me?" - I'm beautiful, sexy..hmmp, college gradute, funny, etc...etc but why? for (#th) years? he's not proposing!!!! He does not even say a word!
3rd stage: Bargaining "I promise I'll be a better person if..." - I'll be a good wife, a good mother, a horny mistress, your best friend, what ever you want me to be even WONDERWOMAN. But please ask me "Will you marry me?"
4th stage: Depression "I don't care anymore" - okay, if you'll not going to ask me to marry you then so be it. There are lots of handsome guys out there much better than you (thats' the spirit, Go GIRL!)
5th stage: Acceptance "I'm ready for whatever comes" - this is the stage where I would say "COME WHAT MAY"
Now, you know!
Maybe... I passed through up to the 4th stage but sometimes I go back to the 1st stage, like now, I'm looking for the design of my wedding gown, searching the net for affordable wedding venues, asking advices from my friends about the wedding, the wedding ring, entourage..etc (it is very nice to dream..i tell you)
But hey! I remember my sweet loving boyfriend is not yet proposing...
What will I do? I will again approach him then ask him again about our supposed wedding date but he will just look me in the eye and tell me "we'll get married soon that's why we're saving, right?" then I will ask him again, WHEN? (this is the part where silence reign........................i think we need 10 more years. what do you think?)... I know you know!
And I also knew that there are Millionzzzzzzzzzzzzzz of women out there expereincing these stages like my self but we keep on hiding, covering, wrapping our loneliness for the fact that we (female) don't want our boyfriends to be exasperated, which tends to push them away.
Okay! I made this not to be sad but just to be busy for a while and to give myself a little time to be not crazy to surf again the net for ALL ABOUT WEDDINGS!
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