Have you ever felt such emptiness yet you don't know why?
All you know is that you wanted to cry, you wanted to be alone, feeling you're a failure, and thinking you were deserted by everybody.
That no one can help you because even you dont know what it is.
It's so weird that people tend to experience such event in their lives one way or another. Sometimes it can be very disturbing because it's like it will push you through your sanity limits.
It seems your out of your mind yet you still have control.
I remember when I was in that predicament. I cried and I cried myself out up to the point of exhaustion thinking why am I so sad. Searching for something that is lacking in me yet I did not know what it was. Its like I'm looking into a very dark room full of unknown things but I have to find that one special thing.
I thought I was crazy... crazy because I'm crying for no reason, feeling so down yet I know there's no cause. Eventhough I am with my friends, doing things that might make me happy still I can not force myself to laugh and feel happy. I am smiling not because I am happy but because I have to smile and hide my loneliness for my friends to not see it.
It came into a point that I can no longer hide my sadness and I have to speak it out. Thank God, my good friend was there to listen. I asked her indirectly if she too sometimes feel such emptiness in her life the way I felt it. And she said yes, that all people experienced it one point in their lives, and it is normal and need not to worry.
I felt relief.....
It took me 2 or more days just to recomposed myself and to think back that episode in my life.
To understand why It had to happen. Till now I can not answer it.. the only thing I am 100% sure is that I do not want to experience it again...but sometimes whether I like it or not, I am still experiencing it in lesser degree.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
Speel Check
Unedited Version! -
Before I start my composition I have a great task to you my dear readers.... Find as many Mispelled Words as you can!
From the moment I started knowing how to hold a pen & write up to becoming an engineer and stablishing (?) my well balanced career, I am still asking myself this one little tiny question "Why am I not Good in Spelling?"
Yes I know...it is very embarassing (?)!
To start with, I will tell you my tragic (?) spelling story, the root cause of my fear.
When I was in grade 3 or 4 my father asked me to spell "pneumonia (?)?". I was shocked because I did not know and honestly up to now I still dont know but I answered it as confidently as I could remember..." N. E. U. M. O. N. I. A" (with a BIG GRIN (?) on my face after spelling the word... it's like I answered it correctly....yeh!!!) .
After I finished spelling the word, my father got so frustrated and he shouted "WRONG" back at me. He spelled it and told me that the word starts with "P" not "N".
He's so mad that he ORDERED me to READ the 12 in x 7 in x 5 in (length, width, thinkness respectively) dictionary and told me to read it from A to Z.
I wanted to cry....
Yah! I read and almost finished the entire pages of that dictionary but what do you think happened to me?
...Well! I'm still not that good with words!
To think of it, how am I suppose to know the correct spelling when in fact the first letter is not mentioned. It's like silent "P", you know.
And may I ask who's that psychotic person who stated that the correct spelling of PNEUMONIA must begin with P.
Spare me the difficulties.....please!
Before, I used to be embarrassed (?) with my deficiency (?) but now I am starting to accept that I have flaws and being dumb with spelling is one them.
During my manufacturing career(?) years, I informed beforehand my attendees (?) in all of my trainings to pardon my mispelled word beacuse I'm not good with it.
Even during interview when being asked of "What are your weaknesses?" question, I will just smile then tell my interviewer about my spelling problem....
Now, I'm still trying to improve my spelling but I always remind myself to not feel inferior because of one such inconsequential matter.
We all have flaws! Right?
Before I start my composition I have a great task to you my dear readers.... Find as many Mispelled Words as you can!
From the moment I started knowing how to hold a pen & write up to becoming an engineer and stablishing (?) my well balanced career, I am still asking myself this one little tiny question "Why am I not Good in Spelling?"
Yes I know...it is very embarassing (?)!
To start with, I will tell you my tragic (?) spelling story, the root cause of my fear.
When I was in grade 3 or 4 my father asked me to spell "pneumonia (?)?". I was shocked because I did not know and honestly up to now I still dont know but I answered it as confidently as I could remember..." N. E. U. M. O. N. I. A" (with a BIG GRIN (?) on my face after spelling the word... it's like I answered it correctly....yeh!!!) .
After I finished spelling the word, my father got so frustrated and he shouted "WRONG" back at me. He spelled it and told me that the word starts with "P" not "N".
He's so mad that he ORDERED me to READ the 12 in x 7 in x 5 in (length, width, thinkness respectively) dictionary and told me to read it from A to Z.
I wanted to cry....
Yah! I read and almost finished the entire pages of that dictionary but what do you think happened to me?
...Well! I'm still not that good with words!
To think of it, how am I suppose to know the correct spelling when in fact the first letter is not mentioned. It's like silent "P", you know.
And may I ask who's that psychotic person who stated that the correct spelling of PNEUMONIA must begin with P.
Spare me the difficulties.....please!
Before, I used to be embarrassed (?) with my deficiency (?) but now I am starting to accept that I have flaws and being dumb with spelling is one them.
During my manufacturing career(?) years, I informed beforehand my attendees (?) in all of my trainings to pardon my mispelled word beacuse I'm not good with it.
Even during interview when being asked of "What are your weaknesses?" question, I will just smile then tell my interviewer about my spelling problem....
Now, I'm still trying to improve my spelling but I always remind myself to not feel inferior because of one such inconsequential matter.
We all have flaws! Right?
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Never A Bride
I think this is what you called "SOUR GRAPING".....but....... what the HECK! this is my Blog and I can say whatever I want to say.
How will I start... have you watched 27 Dresses? I liked that movie (I like it A LOT!), why?, because I am that girl, lady, woman.. what ever you wanna call it.
I relate to her, it is like I'm watching myself and my "Disoriented" love story
The only funny thing is, it's my story except for the last part where the girl marries the boy! hmmmp...
Helloooooooooooooo! have you read my Blog title.
If there is what you so called the five (5) stages of grief that those people who've lost a love one must go through, I think there is also the Five (5) Stages of 'Never A Bride' Hysteria.
What are they!
1st stage: Denial "this isn't happening to me!" - for ***** long years I've been with my *******g boyfriend, he will propose to me. You'll see!..... whatever, whenever (even if it takes FOREVER!!!)
2nd stage: Anger "why is this happening to me?" - I'm beautiful, sexy..hmmp, college gradute, funny, etc...etc but why? for (#th) years? he's not proposing!!!! He does not even say a word!
3rd stage: Bargaining "I promise I'll be a better person if..." - I'll be a good wife, a good mother, a horny mistress, your best friend, what ever you want me to be even WONDERWOMAN. But please ask me "Will you marry me?"
4th stage: Depression "I don't care anymore" - okay, if you'll not going to ask me to marry you then so be it. There are lots of handsome guys out there much better than you (thats' the spirit, Go GIRL!)
5th stage: Acceptance "I'm ready for whatever comes" - this is the stage where I would say "COME WHAT MAY"
Now, you know!
Maybe... I passed through up to the 4th stage but sometimes I go back to the 1st stage, like now, I'm looking for the design of my wedding gown, searching the net for affordable wedding venues, asking advices from my friends about the wedding, the wedding ring, entourage..etc (it is very nice to dream..i tell you)
But hey! I remember my sweet loving boyfriend is not yet proposing...
What will I do? I will again approach him then ask him again about our supposed wedding date but he will just look me in the eye and tell me "we'll get married soon that's why we're saving, right?" then I will ask him again, WHEN? (this is the part where silence reign........................i think we need 10 more years. what do you think?)... I know you know!
And I also knew that there are Millionzzzzzzzzzzzzzz of women out there expereincing these stages like my self but we keep on hiding, covering, wrapping our loneliness for the fact that we (female) don't want our boyfriends to be exasperated, which tends to push them away.
Okay! I made this not to be sad but just to be busy for a while and to give myself a little time to be not crazy to surf again the net for ALL ABOUT WEDDINGS!
How will I start... have you watched 27 Dresses? I liked that movie (I like it A LOT!), why?, because I am that girl, lady, woman.. what ever you wanna call it.
I relate to her, it is like I'm watching myself and my "Disoriented" love story
The only funny thing is, it's my story except for the last part where the girl marries the boy! hmmmp...
Helloooooooooooooo! have you read my Blog title.
If there is what you so called the five (5) stages of grief that those people who've lost a love one must go through, I think there is also the Five (5) Stages of 'Never A Bride' Hysteria.
What are they!
1st stage: Denial "this isn't happening to me!" - for ***** long years I've been with my *******g boyfriend, he will propose to me. You'll see!..... whatever, whenever (even if it takes FOREVER!!!)
2nd stage: Anger "why is this happening to me?" - I'm beautiful, sexy..hmmp, college gradute, funny, etc...etc but why? for (#th) years? he's not proposing!!!! He does not even say a word!
3rd stage: Bargaining "I promise I'll be a better person if..." - I'll be a good wife, a good mother, a horny mistress, your best friend, what ever you want me to be even WONDERWOMAN. But please ask me "Will you marry me?"
4th stage: Depression "I don't care anymore" - okay, if you'll not going to ask me to marry you then so be it. There are lots of handsome guys out there much better than you (thats' the spirit, Go GIRL!)
5th stage: Acceptance "I'm ready for whatever comes" - this is the stage where I would say "COME WHAT MAY"
Now, you know!
Maybe... I passed through up to the 4th stage but sometimes I go back to the 1st stage, like now, I'm looking for the design of my wedding gown, searching the net for affordable wedding venues, asking advices from my friends about the wedding, the wedding ring, entourage..etc (it is very nice to dream..i tell you)
But hey! I remember my sweet loving boyfriend is not yet proposing...
What will I do? I will again approach him then ask him again about our supposed wedding date but he will just look me in the eye and tell me "we'll get married soon that's why we're saving, right?" then I will ask him again, WHEN? (this is the part where silence reign........................i think we need 10 more years. what do you think?)... I know you know!
And I also knew that there are Millionzzzzzzzzzzzzzz of women out there expereincing these stages like my self but we keep on hiding, covering, wrapping our loneliness for the fact that we (female) don't want our boyfriends to be exasperated, which tends to push them away.
Okay! I made this not to be sad but just to be busy for a while and to give myself a little time to be not crazy to surf again the net for ALL ABOUT WEDDINGS!
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