God Asked Me "Why Should I Let You Live?"

A very easy question when you first look and read it, isn't it?.
If you were asked of this particular question in no particular reason, I know that you stated 100 reasons or possible even more answers.

We all do.

In a normal condition, we tend to ignore the intensity or degree of this question because we feel that God will never ask us this phrase.

In our beliefs... we perceived HIM as love, mercy, & life. That He will never take away life because HE is life and to that I agree 100%.

But have we ever thought of those people who are sick & dying. What is the essence of that question on them? How easy or difficult for them to answer that same question? Can they give the same number of answers as like when they were healthy?

We can only think but we will never know unless we are in that position.

I'll tell you mine. I have ovarian infection. In my TVS (ultrasound), it shows that I have abcess, cyst in my ovary (both ovaries). The doctors who attended me suggested that it will be better if I will be confined in the hospital so that they can do the necessary action for my sickness. But during that time I did not grasp the extent of my condition because during conversation with the doctors they said that it is not something to be worried about, in fact it's curable and possible to do medication at home. Therefore I took the latter option. They gave me several types of antibiotics that I must take for two weeks.

I live life as before. Not worrying a bit... but the medication was starting to cause me minor discomfort

Then I went to another doctor (our old family doctor) to have a second opinion. She read my TVS result and she too has the same opinion. I listened to every words she said but it never occured to me that I will be scared to death on her next remarks. She said 70% it will likely to be cured by medication in-take and 30% by operation. She then said that the cyst is not like cancerous (thank God) but we have to be sure because it's possible to lead to that. And she also said that I need to and I must be pregnant already because it is possible that both of my ovaries will be removed (operation) therefore I can no longer be able to bear a child.

I was so scared & I cried hysterically inside my room. Those words keep on circling in my mind. It made me very weak, scared, lonely... all negative adjectives that you can think of. It came into a point that I thought I would die young because in my thirty years of living, it was my first time to be sick like that and to feel such pain.

Then I was hospitalized my condition did not change much therefore my doctors changed my medication. They gave me high dosage of several antibiotics direct into my viens. I stayed in the hospital for 5 days. There I learned to pray to God sincerely...not just pray but pray my heart out.

I realized that people tend to take God for granted because they are not experiencing pain, or they are not having any major problems... like myself.

I also realized that no matter how many people support & love me, how they assured me that it's nothing, that I will be cured, they can not ease my pain, they can not ease my worries. The only person that can ease me is GOD.

I started to attend healing mass & going to healing prayers. The healer asked me a question that I found very very difficult to answer. She said if God ask you "Why should I let you live?", what would be your answers? (plural)

She said that if I can answer it honestly then my answer will be enough for God to let me live.

But to tell you the truth up to now I can not think of an answer that is not selfish or true.

I can say for my family, but is it honest?... I do not know... and for the rest God only knows.